Listen to it.

During this past September a favourite time killer of mine was to scroll through the best of Craigslist and read funny classified ads. One particular post caught my interest, since it posed a funny scenario for people to answer and post in their own personal ads (an ad to find someone else to date) instead of saying banal things like “I like to have fun” and “I like to go out with friends”. Am I doing this as a personal ad? Hell no. I just think the question is amusing. With that out of the way, let’s get started.

Scenario: Apocalypse WOW
The brain-eating-zombie virus has finally spread across the entire North American continent, and the rest of the world has placed your quadrant of the Earth under quarantine and left the survivors to fend for themselves. You remain holed up in your apartment/house/mother’s basement, and have mustered the courage to venture into the world outside.

Question A: What would finally make you venture into the outside world in the first place? Why not just curl up and die? What fuels your will to survive?

It would be the insanity of having been holed up in my house so long that I wouldn’t mind dying just for a breath of fresh air – assuming the atmosphere hasn’t been nuked or anything to eradicate the zombies. I’m also pretty sure I’d have run out of food by then. And of course, I’d need fresh shotgun ammo (because I have a shotgun obviously, who doesn’t in a zombie survival situation!? geez) to continue sniping the zombie bastards who keep harassing my humble abode. Or were they vampires? Who knows.

Question B: Describe the type of fellow survivor you would be most willing to help. What would you expect in return?

Giggity giggity giggity! 

Question C: You and an attractive stranger of the opposite sex are charged with the duty or repopulating the continent. How will you remake society so as to avoid all the unsightly mistakes of the last one?

The evident and humorous answer would be to say, “something that don’t let frickin zombies attack again”. But… zombies attacking merely exacerbated the problems of society to a point that it collapsed. You can’t change human nature, which is inherently flawed, and since society is comprised of a multitude of humans, run by their individual and group behaviour as dictated by their nature (to varying degrees, the whole nature vs. nurture debate rises here), so society will always have “unsightly mistakes”. Go with whatever arises out of the mess of the world would be my answer.

As for repopulating – ew. Voluntary incest in the next generations when people from other continents can just come and do it? Yeah, no thanks.

Feel free to copy and fill this out yourself dudes.

I shall love her, pet her, and call her George

YOU KNOW WHAT REALLY SUCKS? WHEN YOU WORK ON AN ESSAY TIL THE VERY WEE HOURS OF THE MORNING AND YOU THOUGHT WAS DUE TODAY BUT ISN’T.

Just get me out of first year already.

I was this bored by my religion journals that I decided to manhandle the English language in quite an ugly way. This was heavily influenced by all the poetry I’ve seen being thrown around lately. I have done my part in angering real masters of poetry! The results are displayed below. Guess the proper subject and give it a suitable title please. (and no guys, I’m not playing the emo violin)

About a Coop Student

Rarring to go
I aim to please
Please don’t reject me
I’m on my knees
My hopes in your palm
Don’t be so cruel
Be my soul’s balm
Relief from a world: cold, unforgiving, harsh, meritocratic
Take me into your arms and accept me
forevermore

edit – Jeff you honestly scare me now

I swear, I polish my guitar body every week, wipe down the strings after every practice session (daily, in other words), and treat it as if it were my freaking baby. So why is there a freaking chip in the paint now? ARGH, I swear there’s a conspiracy somewhere against me, forcing me to constantly be dissatisfied with my music instruments.

Oh well, at least my guitar “has personality” now. While she gently weeps. (totally unnecessary to put that there, but I like making stupid references for the sake of, just like Tarantino!)