The older I get, the more I realize one thing.

It’s not just about how smart you are, or how wise you are. Natural talent is great, but it can easily be squandered.

No, it’s about your persistence. Can you take what the world throws at you, and reject it for what it is? Can you seek justice, encourage the oppressed, plead for the widow? Can you discipline your mind? Refuse to settle for the bland, saturated wine and trade it for uncertainty? Be an explorer, if only of yourself? Find steel, to sharpen your steel?

I ask myself this everyday. I think my greatest fear is to become stagnant. Well, that or this.

Why are we so content on rushing through the journey? Why do we want that stable 9-5 job so badly? Why do we want our relationships to be cut and dry? Why do we want a stable house a few minutes away from our parents? Why is our natural reaction to conform, to find the best traditional approach and stick to it? Why do we not choose to be creative, to be daring, to take risks that might not always pay off, before pursuing what everyone else wants? Why are we so afraid?

There is no problem with being lost and taking chances. In fact, being lost is where I want to be. We need to get lost to realize what we truly value.

There is nothing more surreal than rocking out to “Dancing Queen” with a middle age, mainland Chinese guy you’re carpooling with back to Ottawa, that you met through ComeFromChina.com.

So for those not in the know, I’ve been out of the loop for the past two months. I haven’t blogged since Christmas time. I’m working in Ottawa this term., for the federal government. I am relatively far removed from the original Chinese Christian circle that spawned me, save for some Chinese churches that I attend here. My parents didn’t even help me move things in, I insisted on renting a car and doing it myself.

The funny thing is, I kind of like it like this.

Don’t get me wrong – I get homesick once in a while, and not just for my family, but for people that are comfortable. People that I have fun with, people that “get” the jokes I make, people that have accepted me for who I am, for better or worse. I miss my dad’s standard homecooked dinners consisting of one dish of veggies, one dish of meat, one steamed fish, and steamed rice. I miss driving. I miss the little and the big things.

But it is my firm belief, that everyone needs to change their environments, and themselves, if only once in a blue moon. We were not called to be static, unchanging beings. God is unchanging. We aren’t. We are called to explore, and see what the world has to offer us. Jlin offers a similar take on this subject. We definitely should not be settling down, especially in these times. As Brenda McNeil said at Urbana 06, “where you settle is where you die.” (emphasis mine)

So I’m just enjoying each day as it comes. Even when I’m sick, I’m still counting my blessings. To be in a new environment, surrounded by new friends and surroundings, and being forced to rely on the love and trust I have in God – I’m loving it.

It’s funny how you don’t completely understand the meaning of some Christian jargon until you truly live it. For me, I’m learning to live by faith in Him.

• Get out of your house and go to a public place to work. The library, coffee shop, student hangout spots, and empty classrooms are all great places.
• Turn off the internet. If you can’t, do your research first, and then get off of it. The world will not end if you don’t check your email every five minutes.
• Blog for a bit to get creative juices flowing. It doesn’t have to be public at all (WordPress has a private post feature). You can rant about problems in your mind, about the weather, about how that chocolate you just ate is giving you funny feelings in the stomach.
• Read the Bible for the sense of peace and comfort. It calms your mind and prepares you for the arduous task ahead.
• Get writing. Set small goals at first, like 5 minutes of solid writing followed by 15 minutes of break. Gradually increase the writing time, and decrease the break time until you hit the groove.

Listen to it.

The art of denying myself.

At stake – 6 essays, 1 debate, and 1 exam. 16 days to finish them all. Here is what I’m doing/planning on doing to finish them on time. Lord have mercy on my soul. And yours too, should you take any of this as advice.

• 8:30 AM: wake up
• 8:40 AM: shower
• 9:00 AM: leave the house
• 9:15 AM: arrive at library/workplace of choice, dick around on Google Reader and email
• 9:30 AM: Write at least 100 words, within 20 minutes. Write or Die has been very useful in this regard.
• 9:50 AM: 10 minute Google Reader, or Too Many Ninjas! break
• Repeat previous two steps until late and/or tired
• 2:00 AM: walk home
• 2:15 AM: brush up and sleep

But because of grace
Because of Your mercy
I stand here unashamed

One of the most fascinating stories I’ve read of how a child soldier is made and the complexities of sentencing someone who, on one hand, is a hardened war criminal with scores of atrocities to his name, and on the other, a victim of the circumstances he lived in.

The Globe and Mail – The Making of a Monster